Episode 41. Airen Juliette
* * *
Airen was currently atop the fortress walls, accessible only by climbing the stairs, overlooking the northern landscape.
To tend to the wounded, she needed to leave the meeting room and descend the stairs, but –
Her heart fluttered, necessitating a moment to calm down.
She gazed out over the vast plains.
And – she sensed her fate.
“I’m… being abandoned.”
She had anticipated this future might come.
No matter how much she tried to appeal to her heart, no matter how much she tried to prove her loyalty.
No matter what efforts she made, her sovereign, who should have been her sun, instead of showering her with warm sunlight, was quick to push her away.
Despite her achievements, she was never recognized, her words never heeded.
Still, she held onto her father’s words, striving not to let her pride be crushed, performing her duties diligently.
Practicing sword strikes on a dummy was an effective way to clear her mind, and somehow, she managed to endure with her strong willpower.
She wanted to burn brightly for her sovereign.
The more she felt unwelcome, the more she wanted to ignite her fierce loyalty to prove and demonstrate it to her sovereign.
But – she wasn’t a superhero.
The passion and will that once blazed within her soon became a tiny ember, vulnerable to being extinguished by the slightest breeze.
In such a state, receiving what was essentially a “go out and die” command from her sovereign, whom she believed in and wanted to trust until the end –
Even someone as resolute as her couldn’t help but break down.
But she didn’t allow herself to think that way. She steadied her trembling heart.
She harbored a vain hope that Lynn Brans had given her an opportunity to achieve greatness.
“……Father……”
The face of her father, her only kin, came to mind.
What should I do now?
If the sword I took up to protect others can no longer protect anyone… No.
If I’m not even allowed to protect anyone… How should I live from now on?
The Juliette family exists for the Brans family.
Even she, who had clung to this principle and raced to this point, was inevitably exhausted by the situation.
“……”
Will they recognize me if I stay here until the end and fight to the death?
Will Lynn, in the end, realize that I have been working hard for her…?
Even if I’m captured and refuse to surrender… if I remain loyal until death, will my loyalty finally reach her in the end?
As these thoughts crossed her mind, she felt a surge of emotion and nearly cried, but she held back.
Even if abandoned, she wanted to uphold her father’s last wishes until the end.
Even if it meant dying in battle for her sovereign.
If that’s my fate, then it’s right to accept it.
But why does my heart ache so much?
She pondered.
If only there were someone.
If only there were just one person who acknowledged my efforts, who saw how hard I’m trying…
And then.
“You were here.”
“……!!!”
Startled from her thoughts, Airen looked toward the source of the voice.
There stood – the white-haired handsome man, Swen, whom she had spent a considerable amount of time with by now.
“I went to see the wounded, but you weren’t there, so I took some time looking for you.”
“Sw, Swen… How come you’re here…?”
“You? Well, I came to see you, Airen.”
Ah.
Was he here to say his final goodbye?
Thinking about it, she had grown quite fond of Swen.
Initially, their cohabitation was unintentional, but for Airen, those memories were far from unpleasant.
The warmth of another person, something she had always longed for, was pleasant enough just to feel, making living together quite enjoyable.
Moreover, he was almost the only person in the Brans army who believed in her.
“……I see. You came to say goodbye. I’ve felt this for a while, but you are indeed very kind.”
She managed a smile.
A fragile smile that seemed about to crumble at any moment.
Yet, she refused to waver.
She didn’t want to burden him with the weight she carried alone.
She didn’t want to make him, who had been with her until now, suffer because of her own emotions that she had to bear alone.
“Swen. The time spent with you was not bad at all. I will never forget it. Make sure to keep the fortress safe… But, if… if I can’t return to Anel Castle…”
If I can’t return to Anel Castle.
As she spoke those words, her body trembled slightly.
“Feel free to use everything in my house as you please. Some things there could be sold for a good sum.”
Swen, the man she had observed for a few weeks, was a very gentle and caring person.
He would sneakily take care of various things while she was practicing alone and often provided company.
Even though living with a higher-ranking officer of a different gender must not have been comfortable, he never once complained.
Because he was kind, he might choose to apologize and beg for another chance rather than obeying the sovereign’s command.
If he tries to dissuade me like that…
I’m sorry, but I wish he would leave.
Trying not to show her crumbling emotions, she prepared to bid him farewell – that’s what she thought.
After all, if Swen became deeply involved with her like this.
Then Swen might also fall out of favor with Lynn Brans and face the ‘inevitable fate’ just like her.
That was unacceptable. She couldn’t let Swen walk the same path as her.
But.
Swen, with his own words, uttered a sentence that Airen could not
have anticipated.
“What do you mean…?”
“……Huh?”
“Why? Staying here means…”
Finally confronting the reality she had been avoiding, she spoke it aloud.
“Staying here means… being abandoned by the sovereign.”
Yes.
She knew it all along.
That her sovereign, Lynn Brans, had ordered her “to die.”
And upon accepting that fact –
The fragile heart she had barely been holding together began to crack.
“But why… Swen, why would you also stay here…?”
“Abandoned? But the sovereign asked us to achieve greatness, didn’t she? We must do as she commands, right?”
“No, it’s not that. I… Swen, if you’re doing this out of misplaced sympathy, then stop this foolishness and leave right now-”
Then.
Swen gently placed his hand on Airen’s trembling arm.
She flinched slightly but didn’t reject his touch.
“Airen. I’m not staying here out of sympathy for you.”
“……!”
Airen looked into Swen’s eyes.
There was no deceit.
Not just an absence of deceit, but a warmth was present.
The warm sunlight she had so longed for from her sovereign, yet never received, was ironically felt from the subordinate commander before her.
If it’s not out of sympathy, then…
Does Swen have ambition, wanting to achieve greatness by any means necessary?
Ambitious subordinates often tried everything to gain favor with their sovereign.
“But… if you want to achieve greatness, there are safer and more certain ways. Trying to achieve greatness where the sovereign has no expectations might not only go unnoticed but could even lead to-”
“Airen. Sorry for interrupting.”
Swen looked directly into Airen’s eyes.
Unlike her wavering gaze, Swen’s was clear and focused.
“I might be fed by the Brans army, but… to be honest, I’m not staying here to achieve greatness for Lynn.”
“……What do you mean…?”
“It’s for you, Airen.”
“!!!”
Airen’s pupils dilated sharply.
“I want to see Airen defend this fortress, achieve something everyone finds hard to believe – that’s the result I want to see.”
“You want me to defend the fortress…? Why would you want such a result…? What does it have to do with you…?”
Confused, Airen’s eyes darted around restlessly.
Swen, looking at her, delivered perhaps the most unforgettable words of her life.
“Because the person I want to protect in this country is you, Airen.”
“!!!”
” I want to see Airen succeed spectacularly. To witness it by your side and tell everyone. That the Airen Juliette they disregarded was right all along. That she accomplished the impossible. Wouldn’t their view of us change then?”
“……Sw……en.”
“That’s why I can’t leave you behind. Sorry to say.”
Hearing those words, Airen’s body shook violently.
Yet, she tried to maintain her composure.
…If Swen really stayed for her, not Lynn… then all the more she couldn’t let him follow her path.
“……Leave, Swen.”
Swen didn’t respond.
Airen, after a few deep breaths, barely managed to speak.
Initially, she intended to eloquently persuade him to leave.
But Airen found herself revealing deep-seated thoughts she had never shared with anyone.
Tears streaming, she struggled to speak.
“Following me in the Brans army… you won’t be able to do anything. Even if you want to burn with passion and prove your loyalty, you won’t be able to. No matter how hard you try, everything fades away, even if you rush forward with the last embers of your heart… nobody, including the sovereign, will acknowledge you. Even if I achieve greatness, even if you prove my words right… nobody will care. Nothing.”
Yes.
Deep down, she knew.
That no matter what, she would never be recognized.
But admitting that was too miserable.
Having lived a life knowing nothing but loyalty to the Brans family, it felt too pathetic.
So, she turned away. She tried harder. She endured every humiliating treatment.
But.
The armor of lies protecting Airen shattered when confronted with the undisguised truth from the man before her.
This man, by being harmed because of her, was something she desperately wanted to prevent.
“So… Swen, I can’t make you like me… so please, I beg you. I’m already too exhausted, I don’t have the strength to burn any more of my dwindling flame for this country. I can’t help you if you want to help me… if you stay by my side… you’ll surely suffer too-”
“Airen.”
Swen gently interrupted again –
But Airen didn’t mind.
In fact, she might have been waiting her whole life for someone to share these words with.
“I’ve already told you, I don’t particularly want to burn myself for the Brans army. Why would I follow someone who didn’t care as your ember was fading?”
“That…is.”
“And isn’t the ember not completely extinguished yet? That’s why you’re still here, bravely trying to overcome this alone without causing me trouble. That’s perfect for me. I won’t ask you to protect me. Instead.”
Swen continued –
With a smile he often showed while they lived together.
“With that remaining ember, please make tea for us to share. From now on, forever.”
“……!!!”
And then.
As tears began to flow freely from her eyes for the first time,
Everything she had been holding back inside began to crumble.
“……Sob.”
Airen buried her face in Swen’s chest.
Swen silently patted her back.
“……I, I am……”
It didn’t matter if no one recognized me.
Someday, my heart will reach the sovereign.
I will become a daughter my father can be proud of, eventually gaining recognition from the Brans family.
The numerous “lies” that made up her crumbled one by one.
It wasn’t okay.
She knew it wouldn’t reach.
She knew they wouldn’t acknowledge her.
After shedding the armor of lies that protected Airen, the truth emerged.
…She was lonely.
She was terribly lonely.
Because no one recognized her, she felt incredibly lonely.
And.
Only after shedding her protective lies did she realize.
This man before her was the only one who recognized her.
“Sob… Sob, sob…”
Thus, Airen cried in Swen’s arms for a long time.
Swen comforted her until the end.
After all, no one else was coming.
For a moment, they shared a time, fully feeling each other’s warmth.
* * *
Time passed.
Swen continued to pat her back as she stopped crying.
“Are you feeling a bit better now?”
“……Yes.”
After pouring out all the tears she had been holding back, she felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from her heart.
Why had I endured and persevered for an impossible goal, knowing it could never be achieved?
After crying my heart out beside this man, I could finally make a somewhat objective judgment.
Airen slightly turned her head to look at Swen, who was still patting her back.
He was handsome. Although she didn’t place much importance on a man’s appearance, his was enough to catch her eye.
However, at
this moment, what shook her heart wasn’t his striking looks.
It was his kindness. His gentleness.
The strength not to give up on her, even as she was driven into a corner.
Even now, the warmth of his hand patting her back felt so comforting.
Lynn Brans had abandoned her, but perhaps the answer to how she should live wasn’t so far away.
For the first time in her life, she allowed herself to think a daring thought, free from the shackles of the Brans family.
“I’m glad you’ve calmed down.”
“……Yes.”
Although she had lightened her heart and was ready for a new beginning,
The reality hadn’t changed.
A massive army of over 30,000 was still marching towards them at this very moment.
Regaining her senses and assessing the situation, Airen looked at Swen with concern.
“Swen… Staying here is too dangerous, isn’t it? It might be risky, but perhaps it’s better to abandon the fortress and flee. If Swen, you decide to defect to the Serphina army, I will follow you-”
“No.”
Swen spoke with a certainty that seemed very sure of himself.
Thinking about it, he always seemed to have that certainty.
When he argued in the debate with Parphale that “we must send troops to the north.”
When he said, “We should prepare the soldiers we brought for departure in advance.”
When he confidently stated in front of many people, “Airen’s opinion is correct.”
And just a moment ago… “What I want to protect in this country is Airen.”
Recalling this, she blushed and lowered her head.
Thump, thump.
Her heart raced, and through it, Swen’s voice reached her.
“Didn’t I tell you just now, Airen?”
Swen smiled confidently, a smile that felt more magnificent to her than anyone else’s.
“It’s time to achieve greatness.”
